DEATH TO GUNDAM.
funny_bunny: Hey hey, everyone! It’s Chief Funbuns!
prettyprophet: And the Prophet.
Lavie Rhap: And I, Lavie.
funny_bunny: Lavie’s a PROTECTOR.
prettyprophet: Ok, so we were talking today about CLASS OF HEROES. I’m really looking forward to this, even though I didn’t care for Etrian all too much.
Lavie Rhap: Is it because of the school setting?
prettyprophet: Exactly, it IS because of the school setting.
funny_bunny: So! In our GLORIOUS ARROGANCE…we felt that since we, the Thousand Rabbits, always place ourselves in such games…OUR READERS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO MAKE US!
prettyprophet: Hell yes, we are just that narcissistic!
Lavie Rhap: It’s actually somewhat of a strange phenomenon.
funny_bunny: It’s SAME ALPHA WAVELENGTHS.
prettyprophet: Alright, people have no idea what we’re talking about. A few years back, when the first Etrian Odyssey came out, Pat was playing it hardcore. I didn’t give a shit. One day, Funny goes to her, “Oh, you’re playing Etrian. How’s that?” And Pat, she just starts gushing on and on like usual but adds, “Prophet (well, my real name) just took down so and so!” I’m like, “Huh, someone’s got my name? That’s rare.” “Oh no, I put all of you guys in my game! Look, you’re all so kawaii~~^_^”
And that’s that story.
Lavie Rhap: From then on, whenever any of us play games that allow character customization, we try to fit in as many of our friends as possible. Interestingly enough, our choices in classes and characters are nearly identical.
prettyprophet: It’s not THAT surprising since we know how everyone plays. But dear readers, we are going to tell YOU how to make the Thousand Rabbits when Class of Heroes comes out. Well maybe not, since…has anyone taken into account race? Because I just focus on class thanks to Etrian and Disgaea.
Lavie Rhap: We’ll all be exploring new ground together.
funny_bunny: No worries! Etrian will be our template! DIDI DIDI DIDI.
prettyprophet: Giving you two classes per character and predicated race. Note: Pat was the one who got everything done pretty accurately so we’re using her guidelines for this, which was base characters not on usefulness but on closeness to physical appearances and personality. Refer to Etrian Oddity.
Main: Ranger/back-line attacker – something distant
Secondary: Samurai – something stoic from the Orient
Probable Race: Elf – “They prefer softer sounds, as the ancient Elf language is very poetic.”
prophet sez: Pick the most depressed looking character for nde. Withdrawn, inattentive, small, and weak. You’d think Hexer, right? Nah, that’s the creepy class; Nyx got that in Pat’s and I think Funny gave it to holstein in his (funny: NO, HOLSTEIN IS WAR MAGUS).
Main: Warrior/front-line fighter – in your FACE
Secondary: Alchemist/back-line attacker – heavy attack, no magic shit
Probable Race: Elf – “They are a highly intelligent and pious race, and thus are well suited for spell-casting majors.”
Lavie sez: Though Pat gave Prophet the Alchemist class in Etrian, that was mainly due to Prophet’s major at the time (Chemistry). Choose an aggressive class that acts as the vanguard. Since her brother would be of the Elf race, she would have to be one as well, though I don’t believe she would like that.
Main: PALADIN’S ARE MALE ONLY IN CLASS OF HEROES/front-line defense – TANK
Secondary: Cleric/back-line healer – heel plz
Probable Race: Celestian – “A race with the blood of the heavens.”
Funny sez: Lavie’s supposed to be PROTECTOR OF US ALL and I gave her a Protector figure as a gift and it’s AWESOME. But in Class of Heroes only GUYS can be Paladins and that’s DETRIMENTAL to the FEMININE CAUSE. BOLLOCKS, SAYS I. So she can be Valkyrie instead.
Main: Thief/Troubadour/some sort of support – She’s a Japanophile
Secondary: Gunner/back-line attacker – She’s a slut
Probable Race: Halfling – “Even after coming of age, a member of this race is only about as tall as a human child.”
prophet sez: Pat loves the most useless classes but in this case, thieves and whatnot will probably be necessary. Just pick the most energetic looking portrait. Why does she get halfling when she’s as tall as I am? Because she’s a goddamn CHILD.
Main: Doesn’t matter/attacker – ATTACK
Secondary: Doesn’t matter/attacker – ATTACK
Probable Race: Diablon – “Being of demon origin, they tend to be avoided by other races.”
Lavie sez: I feel bad doing Ed’s…(prophet: SHUT UP AND DO IT) Ed’s class does not actually matter…we simply choose the most evil looking class. In Etrian, it was one Dark Hunter that looked quite like him, only with blue instead of red hair. He also dislikes any defense, preferring offensive capabilities all the time.
Main: Psychicer/back-line magic caster – STOIC
Secondary: Anyone that looks Indian (as in, India) – BRAHMAN
Probable Race: Dwarf – “They are as pious as they are strong, causing many of them to enter priestly fields as well.”
Funny sez: WHY DID PAT GIVE HIM LANDSNECHT? Oh yes, because he was selling his soul at the time, fufufufu! INK, YOU SELLOUT BASTARD. Anyways anyways anyways, a classy class will suit Ink just fine. A little mystic BUT NOT TOO MYSTIQUE. He gets dwarf because that is as dark as Class of Heroes gets! And he’s SHORT.
Main: Devout/front-back-whatever – crazy classes
Secondary: Any sort of healing thing – Funny loves healing, the freak
Probable Race: Sprites – “They are also small, but some theories suggest they use illusions to make them appear so.”
prophet sez: Ah, the medic. Funny had Pat remake her medic into the lolipop one and name it after him (Pat already made him the male medic). But for Class of Heroes, who knows, Lavie’ll probably take the healer slot if Paladins are out. Just pick someone who’s like a sprite. You know, someone from the SPRITE race.
prettyprophet: I have my own classes already set for a bunch of friends:
Mori = Wizard, Erdgeist
Nyx = Evoker, Diablon
Peking Duck = Kunoichi, Felpier
trev = Monk, Drake
Trojan = Samurai, Human
Whopper = Paladin, Drake
Emily = Ninja, Felpier
funny_bunny: Here’s mine! BUT NOT ALL.
Honey = Wizard, Celestian
holstein = Monk, Diablon
-_- = Evoker, Human
7672359440 = Samurai, Felpier
Aerith’s Bitch = Alchemist, Halfling
Barbarossa = Paladin, Celestian
Lavie Rhap: I don’t have a PSP so…I sadly will not be able to join in the school of heroic deeds.
prettyprophet: Man, I gotta write about why I love school-based games one day.
funny_bunny: DO IT NOW.
prettyprophet: Fuck off, I’m playing some ROTK XI.
funny_bunny: SO! Games the Rabbits can be lovingly placed into: Nippon Ichi stuff like Disgaea! Etrian Odyssey! Romance of the Three Kingdoms! Soul Calibur IV! Sins of a Solar Empire! Old skool RPGS! CLASS OF HEROES.
Lavie Rhap: Games that allow customization but has canon names don’t count.
prettyprophet: Yeah, like I can name everyone in FF7 “Cunt” but we all know Cloud’s name is Cloud. Cloud Strife. Because it’s the opposite of Zack. Zack Fair.
Lavie Rhap: You’ll never get over that, will you?
prettyprophet: No. I can honestly say that I am totally 100% positive that the sheer fucking stupidness of the reasoning behind those names CANNOT be defended by the fanbase.
funny_bunny: EASY EASY PROPHET, surely we can forgive Final Fantasy when we have such wonderful things like the love between Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly!
prettyprophet: Funny…you just HAD to put their last names in.
funny_bunny: CLASS OF 2009!
Lavie Rhap: Heroes, created by Tim Kring.
prettyprophet: Save the cheerleader, save the PSP.