The Respectable Rabbit Rewards 2009, Pleinnies. Blah blah blah, we left out stuff because no one played them/didn’t play them enough, and whatever. Again, no 360 games (a bunch were multi-platform anyways, so not like it matters). For this round, there’ll only be three judges because……no one else is here. So I’m just going to assume their choices. And I’m not using any pictures for awards. I’m lazy. Alright, let’s rock.
2009 in Review
prettyprophet: It was kinda crap. Quantity-wise, compared to 2008.
nde: Quality wasn’t bad. Two Megatens.
funny_bunny: Three with PERSONA PSP.
prettyprophet: All those fucking delays though……I wanted some Alpha Protocol and Bayonetta.
nde: Pat wanted Agarest War.
prettyprophet: She’s not here, fuck her.
funny_bunny: I WANT AGAREST WAR.
prettyprophet: So yeah, a lot of shit got delayed. All into the first three months of next year. Facing the juggernaut of FFXIII. And all the others. Great plan.
funny_bunny: It’s ok, there was still lots of fun. ONTO THE AWARDS!
Most Fuckable Female
prettyprophet: Chloe Frazer aka Aeryn Sun and Morrigan. And hey, Drake got it on with her. Two hot people together? That’s top in my book. [Uncharted 2: Among Thieves]
nde: Caterina Sforza. Chances are likely. [Assassin's Creed II]
funny_bunny: KOKONOE!!! MECHA-TAGER!!! [Blazblue: Calamity Trigger]
ed’s probable choice: Sheva. In his words, “THAT FUCKING ASS.” [Resident Evil 5]
Pat’s probable choice: She’d probably be torn between Kongiku and Litchi Faye-Ling. [Muramasa: The Demon Blade] and [Blazblue: Calamity Trigger]
Ink’s probable choice: None. He’s the most asexual of us all.
Lavie’s probable choice: Farseer Idranel. Ok, I don’t know, I just remember Lavie played Dawn of War II. [Dawn of War 2]
1000 Rabbit Consensus: The ladies of Blazblue for sheer fetish-covering capabilities.
Honorable Mention: Cross Edge for sheer fan-wank-bulk.
Most Fuckable Male
prettyprophet: Nathan Drake. You bet your ass I made him wet. Tenzin was also a manly man AND a father…..so we’ll count Tenzin instead, since Drake’s not a new character. [Uncharted 2: Among Thieves]
nde: Ragna the Bloodedge. A lot of people seem to want him. [Blazblue: Calamity Trigger]
funny_bunny: PROTAGONIST! It is because he looks like nde and that is sexy. [Devil Survivor]
ed’s probable choice: Seth. [Street Fighter IV]
Pat’s probable choice: Croix Bartel. He’s got glasses. And takes them off. Uh, I guess that’s hot? Whatever, Pat’s a Japanophile slut and Ar Tonelico 2 was a mess. [Ar Tonelico 2]
Ink’s probable choice: Asexual motherfucker, remember?
Lavie’s probable choice: Leonardo da Vinci. Charming, wasn’t he? Too bad he’s gay. [Assassin's Creed II]
1000 Rabbit Consensus: The men of Blazblue for sheer fetish-covering capabilities. Yes, again.
Honorable Mention: Cross Edge for sheer fan-wank-bulk. Yes, again. Devil Survivor wasn’t too bad on this either.
Most Fan-Fantasy Friendly
prettyprophet: You’d think, “Oh shit, Blazblue, Devil Survivor, that shit’s loaded with fetish fuel…” and that makes something fan-wankable. Not for me. See, Blazblue’s totally wrapped in its own world, with fuck knows how much of the story unrevealed. People can pair up Litchi and Bang all they want, but then Arc can come out of left field and be like, “Nah, she hooked up with Hazama.” See, shit’s canon with Blazblue. Devil Survivor, not so much, so that’ll get props from me; personally though, that only takes place over a week. Not enough in-game time for real development. So there’s only two games that registered for Fan-Fantasy: Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy and Dragon Age: Origins……….and I’m giving it to Dragon Age thanks to modding. Yeah, I don’t have the PC version, but fuck it. Mana Khemia 2 I still think rocks for the whole school-life deal…..but hey, it’s Bioware. [Dragon Age: Origins]
nde: Technically, Cross Edge is complete fan-fantasy. I’m picking Dragon Age. [Dragon Age: Origins]
funny_bunny: Devil Survivor because apocalypses are AWESOME. [Devil Survivor]
ed’s probable choice: Won’t care.
Pat’s probable choice: Devil Survivor.
Ink’s probable choice: Cross Edge because of the technicality. [Cross Edge]
Lavie’s probable choice: Cross Edge, same reason. [Cross Edge]
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Cross Edge gets it almost by default; I mean, NIS characters alone is wank-worthy…..then they toss in Etna, Prinnies, and the Darkstalkers crew. PLUS the girls all get costumes. Talk about playing to boys.
Honorable Mention: Dragon Age: Origins. In a few years, there’ll be quality mods. That’s right, spiky-haired anime guys in Dragon Age soon!
Most Wanted to Drown in the Depths of Obscurity So We Don’t Have to Hear Anymore Idiotic Fan Arguments/Masturbation Sessions
prettyprophet: Talk to me when there are more Blazblue characters.
nde: Modern Warfare 2 isn’t that good.
funny_bunny: DAMN YOU MW2 FOR DELAYS.
ed’s probable choice: Doesn’t care.
Pat’s probable choice: MW2.
Ink’s probable choice: MW2.
Lavie’s probable choice: Doesn’t mind.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Modern Warfare 2. Just because Ed and the boys won’t fucking stop playing it.
Honorable Mention: Blazblue: Calamity Trigger is not the second coming of Christ.
Most Likely to Transplant Self Into
prettyprophet: Dragon Age did it.
nde: Rune Factory: Frontier.
funny_bunny: Since moi picked Devil Survivor last time, I’ll go Dragon Age! BUT DEVIL SUMMONER 2 IS COOL TIME PERIOD.
ed’s probable choice: Doesn’t care.
Pat’s probable choice: Devil Survivor.
Ink’s probable choice: Afrika.
Lavie’s probable choice: God-Queen Lavie of the British Empire in Empire: Total War.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Dragon Age. If you want to know how to make the Rabbits: I’m (prophet) a female rogue City Elf, Chaotic Good. nde’s a male elven mage (Neutral), Funny’s a male warrior noble (whatever he feels like), and Lavie would be a female warrior Dalish Elf (Neutral Good).
Honorable Mention: Devil Survivor. Multiple endings with multiple character types. Also, MEGATEN.
Most Educational Game That Can Be Applied to Our Daily Lives
prettyprophet: Rock is power. Thanks, Brutal Legend.
nde: The world is really sci-fi, says Assassin’s Creed II.
funny_bunny: Cake makes you fat in Fat Princess!
ed’s probable choice: Won’t learn anything.
Pat’s probable choice: Dancing from Project DIVA.
Ink’s probable choice: Not a clue what he learned.
Lavie’s probable choice: Colonize the fuck out of the world in Empire: Total War.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Uh, there wasn’t really any game made us feel educated, right? Last year, P4 had us walking away saying, “Yeah, friendship and facing your true self is pretty cool.” This year? Eh, fuck it, let’s make it Brutal Legend and the power of ROCK.
Honorable Mention: Empire: Total War for geography.
Game That Everyone Has But Is Still Unbeaten
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Cross Edge. Pat was all, “Have to play the hard mode to get true end!” So we did. Fuck me, it was hard. I think nde and me are only on the 4th map, Funny’s only….a little bit past that, and Pat, fuck knows. Point is, grinding like a motherfucker is not compatible with university life.
Honorable Mention: Just Cross Edge
Awesome Game That We Haven’t Played Until This Year For Some Reason or Another
prettyprophet: Mass Effect (2008, PC). Never got into it. Now I did, for Mass Effect 2.
nde: Freedom Force vs. the 3rd Reich (2005, PC).
funny_bunny: Folklore (2007, PS3) because FINALLY GOT HDTV.
ed’s probable choice: Advanced Warfighter 2 (2007, PS3).
Pat’s probable choice: Ibara (2006, PS2).
Ink’s probable choice: Hotel Dusk: Room 215 (2007, DS).
Lavie’s probable choice: Time Hollow (2008, DS).
1000 Rabbit Consensus: …..pick one yourself.
Honorable Mention: See above.
Most Disappointing Game That We Knew Would Be Disappointing
prettyprophet: Street Fighter IV. Totally did not care about it; played it…..eh. And Seth, fuck Seth.
nde: Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume. Keeps going downhill.
funny_bunny: Afro Samurai! I GOT IT CHEAP.
ed’s probable choice: Anything that people like.
Pat’s probable choice: Eh, she didn’t show any hate. Maybe Borderlands.
Ink’s probable choice: I know he didn’t care for New Super Mario Bros. Wii.
Lavie’s probable choice: Don’t know.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Street Fighter IV. Didn’t excite anyone except a few of the diehard SF Rabbits, roster was bland, and had a really lazy end boss.
Honorable Mention: Resident Evil 5……..yeah, RE co-op? Great. RE AI? Not great.
Most Disappointing Game That Sucker Punched Us in the Solar Plexus
prettyprophet: Class of Heroes you say? Cool, Etrian Odyssey in school! Yeah, kinda! What’s that, clumsy as all shit interface? Oh fuck this.
nde: Borderlands. Didn’t buy it.
funny_bunny: Fat Princess did not have enough CRAZY.
ed’s probable choice: Won’t admit it, but probably MW2.
Pat’s probable choice: Would not shut the fuck up about how they took out the Japanese voice track in Ar Tonelico 2: Melody of Metafalica.
Ink’s probable choice: Don’t know.
Lavie’s probable choice: Little King’s Story. Forgot the reason.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Class of Heroes. We actually hyped this thing a bit, if you can remember. Then it came and it was like, “Ugh, not dealing with this.” Pat and Funny went back to Etrian, Trojan played for a while, and Devil Survivor came out not long after.
Honorable Mention: Fat Princess. That got tuned out after a month.
Most Awesome Game That We Knew Would be Awesome
prettyprophet: Dragon Age. This is actually a bit iffy, because I got it for the PS3. I just counted on the overall thing to be good across platforms and hey, BIOWARE. Then again, there was Jade Empire…..
nde: Devil Survivor. Megaten.
funny_bunny: Devil Survivor. MEGATEN.
ed’s probable choice: He’d say MW2 but we all know he’s lying.
Pat’s probable choice: Devil Survivor, Megaten, etc.
Ink’s probable choice: No clue.
Lavie’s probable choice: Empire: Total War. She loves the series.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Devil Survivor. True, neither Kaneko or Soejima was on art……but Suzuhito Yasuda, who did Ebony & Ivory in Robot, we liked. Apocalyptic disaster scenario with demons? Hell yes.
Honorable Mention: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. Played the shit out of the demo.
Most Awesome Game That Was Totally Inconceivable
prettyprophet: Batman: Arkham Asylum. Now I had a feeling it’d be good, thanks to the demo, Paul Dini, Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and MARK FUCKING HAMILL…..but hey, things could get fucked. It’s a superhero game, it’s a Batman game; it’s supposed to suck, right? Wrong, cunt.
nde: Assassin’s Creed II. I liked it more than the first.
funny_bunny: Crimson Gem Saga?? Sequel to the DAMNABLE ASTONISHIA STORY???? BWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
ed’s probable choice: He liked Afro Samurai. Why? Moon Rabbit knows.
Pat’s probable choice: Won’t admit it, but Dragon Age. Dating sims, yo.
Ink’s probable choice: He said something about Muramasa. I’ll just take it as a positive thing.
Lavie’s probable choice: Dragon Age. She wasn’t that enthusiastic once she found out it was multi-platform.
1000 Rabbit Consensus: Batman: Arkham Asylum for reasons I listed. Only losers like ed didn’t like it. C’mon, you don’t want to be like ED THE FUCKER, do you?
Honorable Mention: No one really cared for Assassin’s Creed. Somehow Assassin’s Creed II felt so much more awesome.
Usual List of Boring Awards
Best Action: TIE – Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (for running around and shooting things) and Batman: Arkham Asylum (for stealth asskicking)
Best FPS: Left 4 Dead 2
Best Light-Gun: The House of the Dead: Overkill
Best Shooter: Did any come out this year? Imports, probably
Best Platformer: Muramasa: The Demon Blade
Best Sandbox: Assassin’s Creed II
Best Fighter: Blazblue: Calamity Trigger
Best Adventure: Another Code: R (default win)
Best RTS: Empire: Total War
Best RPG: Dragon Age: Origins
Best Turn-based Tactics: Devil Survivor
Best MMO: Aion (default win)
Best Racer: Dirt 2 (default win completely on the word of Trojan)
Best Sports: FIFA 10
Best Scary Shit: Resident Evil 5 (default win; there wasn’t anything balls-out scary that any of us played this year. RE5 wasn’t anything special)
Best Rhythm: Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA for the rhythm nuts, DJ Hero for everyone else
Best Sim: Empire: Total War
Best Visual Novel: (Funny: BOLLOCKS TO THAT)
Best Puzzle: Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
Best Visuals: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves -
Best Concept Art: Blazblue: Calamity Trigger <-head over to DOKUGANRYU
Best Music: Blazblue: Calamity Trigger – Daisuke Ishiwatari
Best Story: Devil Survivor – Atlus
Best Portable: Devil Survivor – Atlus
Best Co-op: Uncharted 2 – Naughty Dog
Best Co-hate: Borderlands – Gearbox (as much screaming at each other as Left 4 Dead 2)
Best Zen: Harvest Moon: Sunshine Islands – Marvelous
Best Fan-translation: Front Mission 5: Scars of War – Front Mission Series Translation Project
Best Mod: Third Age: Total War (Medieval 2: Total War)
Best Character of 2009: Blazblue’s Taokaka, voiced by Chiwa Saitō (JP) and Philece Sampler (ENG)
Best Game of 2009: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Tags: 2009, aksys, arc system works, atlus, batman, bioware, blazblue, capcom, dating sims, fetish, fuckable, gaming awards, hatsune miku, infinity ward, megaten, natume, naughty dog, nippon ichi, pleinair, pleinnies, rabbits, ubisoft, valve